I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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