We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
