omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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