I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
