i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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