Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
