my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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