we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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