i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
