oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
