dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
