just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
