Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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