I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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