in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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