you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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