scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
