I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
