Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
