So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
