I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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