so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
