I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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