$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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