It's like God shit irony all over that family
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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