Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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