im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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