I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
