Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
