you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
