So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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