True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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