I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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