Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
