You made me cry and you don't even care
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
