i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
