At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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