I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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