mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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