I will die if light touches me.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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