Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Small penises have feelings too.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
