i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
please come you make the beer taste better
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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