Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
