apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
