so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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