We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
