i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
