I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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