I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
