I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
