I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
