I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
