my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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