I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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