Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
