Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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